Son of Skwisgaar
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: The first ever Metalocalypse fanfic I've written, and I must say, I'm quite proud of it. Thor Handergaad bears a striking resemblance to the fastest guitarist alive. What if those rumors are true ?


Note: My first ever Metalocalypse fan-fiction. 18-year old Thor Handergaad is a member of the popular metal band, DeathToll. Life is awesome until his girlfriend, Raven, tells him he looks an awful lot like Skwisgaar Skwigelf.

Noticing he does bear quite a lot of resemblence to this man, and seeing that he has the kickin' guitar talent he does, he questions..."Who is my father ?". Thus, the quest begins.

"Oh my God ! I love being motivated ! I LOVE BEING MOTIVATED !"--Nathan Explosion

Chapter 1—For Whom the Knell Tolls

Thor Handergaad was possibly one of the luckiest young men on the face of the planet (even though the planet was in constant disarray). He had a hot girlfriend, Raven, who was living with him and they hoped that one day they would get married when his band wasn't doing so well. Unlike some of his friends, he had a successful job in a corporate firm actually _making_ guitars as well as clothes such as leather jackets and the like for the 'headbanger' crowd.

But he had been feeling slightly depressed as of late. It wasn't like Thor to be so blue, and his band members were starting to notice.

"Dude, your timing's way off. You're off the downbeat.", his best friend, keyboard player, and second lead singer, Leif said. Leif was the typical Norseman; extremely broad shouldered and muscular. He knew about six different languages and unlike the others, had a succesful job as a teacher in the field of economics, finance and history (in particular, European history concerning wars and battles).

"He _is_ downbeat, moron !", the bass player, Caleb said, laughing, and swigging down a Guiness.

"Caleb's right, guys. I don't know what it is.", Thor confessed, plopping himself on a rather oversized beanbag, looking as though it had eaten him alive. The air rushing out of it made everyone else in the band nearly die laughing, since it sounded like someone had cut the cheese.

"Oh, GOD my sides !", the drummer, Bear guffawed, falling on his behind, grasping his ribcage in a paroxism of laughter.

"Maybe you need a bit of a shoulder rub, baby...", Raven began, massaging his muscular shoulders and kissing his neck lightly. This made him giggle and smile somewhat, but it wasn't enough to cheer him up.

"Usually that works, doll. But I feel, I dunno...It's almost like I'm missing something.", Thor said.

"Like a _life_, you dork ? Look, you don't _know_ tough. I was an orphan, I was ostrasized, I had to escape Russia to look for better life. This is why music set me free. Stop acting like such a p !", his second guitarist, Grigory said, in an irate tone.

"It's what I said earlier, isn't it ?", Raven said, feeling guilty.

"I looked at myself in the mirror...And it is uncanny. Do you guys know anything about Deathklok ?", he asked them.

"Oh dear sweet Jesus...I freakin' worship them.", Grigory came back, more reverant.

"Raven says I resemble Skwisgaar. I thought to myself at first, there's no possible way I could have any resemblence to him.", Thor said, shaking his head left and right.

"Your guitar skills are unmatched. You kick ass !", Caleb mentioned. He had never given it thought, but he had been blessed with the god-given gift of rock as well as a voice that could shake the heavens themselves.

"Then, it's settled. Raven and I are going on a quest.", Thor said.

"What ? Dude, you can't be serious.", Caleb protested.

"We're not going on tour anytime soon, you know. Don't worry about us, you know we'll come back.", Raven added.

"You know Raven's right. Go on, both of ya. We'll keep the home fires burning.", Bear said, compassionately.

"Best of luck, my friend.", Leif said, hugging his friend. The others did the same, and Raven and Thor left the "Habitat" and revved up their black Pontiac Firebird and began their search for Skwisgaar, while the rest of DeathToll stayed behind and contemplated lyrics and music for a song they were producing. At least thus far, everything _sounded_ sweet.

Chapter 2—Knocking on DeathKlok's Door

Raven and Thor had traveled countrywide and had lost count on how many miles they had gone since their odometer was broken. The Firebird, _Hells Bells_, had been a good little wagon for as long as it had been running, but Thor desperately needed to get a new car, but was reluctant on selling _Hells Bells_ to just **anyone**. But, with marriage in his future, and the possibility of family afterward, _Hells Bells_ would be the first thing to go. His first true love would be lost, and he'd sulk, but he'd get over it, like all true men do.

Thor was famished, and Raven could see they were approaching a rather quaint looking eatery. At least, they thought, that they were getting closer to DeathKlok's residence. He had taken the right directions from the official fansite, and he almost sensed that he was within inches of his heritage. He couldn't allow himself to become too excited now, or it would only lead to disappointment later. That, was the causality of Murphy's Law.

Hicks stared at the rocker couple, mistaking them for "hippies". Thor just rolled his eyes and strummed a few soundless chords on _Fafner_, his beloved guitar. It was so named after a famous Norse myth, and it fit the sound the axe gave off. Raven too, could wail too. She played a variety of instruments, but her voice could make grown men shiver. A few hicks recognized them, but didn't pay them any heed. And, they didn't even get any respect. But they were fed well and sent on their way.

At long last, after a long, scenic road, there came an area that looked dead, desolate, twisted, deserted, and basically gothic. Thor saw the décor of the building, admiring the gargoyles, dragons, griffons and most of all, the fountains with mannaquins au pis with fake blood for urine.

"Nice touch.", he thought. Raven grinned, it was her idea of the perfect house, though she and Thor wouldn't go to that magnetude when they had their own house after retirement. Thor rang the doorbell and the _Duncan Hills Coffee_ jingle played.

"That...rocks...", Raven said, jaw agape. She remembered hearing the jingle on TV before but hearing it in person was unbelievable. Her ears still rang from the thundering vocals. But the tinnitus soon died down once the door was answered.

"Ja, I'm here to see Skwisgaar. Is he home ?", Thor asked. Raven waved, and smiled softly at Toki who gave her a lustful gaze. He grumbled a bit at Toki, and Toki realized he'd better not try flirting with this luscious metal goddess.

"What is it ! Can't you see I'm busy relaxing ! Send the bastard in here.", Skwisgaar yelled, becoming irate.

"Come on in, mi casa es su casa.", Toki said.

Skwisgaar was relaxing in the hot tub alone, and Nathan, Murderface and Pickles were lazing about watching TV. It reminded Thor of home, except Lief was usually doing something physical like lifting weights, or jogging on a treadmill.

Nathan took one look at Thor and raised an eyebrow.

"You look just exactly like Skwigelf...Hey, Skwisgaar, come and meet your lookalike ! No sh!in' ya. I'd swear you guys were like, brothers. Or something.", Nathan said, not bellowing for once in his life. Skwisgaar, mumbling something in Norse, pulled himself out of the hottub and tied a black towel around his waist. With a heavy trudge of his feet, begrudgingly, he made his way into the living room.

"Holy f#$ !", Skwisgaar swore, seeing Thor for the first time.

Thor laughed nervously.

"My lady says I um, resemble you. I think you might be my dad.", Thor said, honestly, and without any remorse or fear in his voice. Murderface burst out in a loud laugh. It had been the first time any of the band members had actually _heard_ him laugh. His laugh, believe it or not, was contagious.

"That's what you get for having all those GMILFs and MILFs !", Toki said, chuckling.

"Shut up, Toki.", Nathan said, furrowing his eyebrows. Pickles hardly said anything, just drank another Budwiser and burped loudly.

"It's possible. Can you play guitar ?", Skwisgaar questioned.

"Yeah. Sure. Why ?", Thor replied, truthfully.

"I'll put you to the test, little man. We'll see if you've got the balls to play _my_ kind of metal. And even if you do, it's not like I'm gonna do anything, but hey...At least you can say,

I'm the child of Skwisgaar's loins.", Skwisgaar boasted. Murderface had stopped laughing at that point.

"That's disgusting.", Pickles said, downing a whiskey.

Chapter 3—Awesome, I F#$ing Played That !

It was a metal version of dueling banjos while Skwisgaar and Thor until the final chords were struck. Thor didn't miss one note that Skwisgaar played. He was panting and sweating, but he had met Skwisgaar's challenge. Raven whistled and applauded.

"That's my baby !", Raven shouted as he jumped off the makeshift stage and was received with a passionate kiss from her.

"I wouldn't doubt that the possibility exists that I might be your father, but just to make sure, we'll be doing a DNA test. By the way, whatever happened to your mother ?", Skwisgaar questioned. Thor sat down and sighed heavily.

"It's a long story. My heritage has been traced back to a woman named Shalimar Handergaad. She wasn't a bad woman, but she sadly, was addicted to meth. She had to prostitute herself just to get high. I guess out of that, she might've gotten mixed up with you, sorry.", Thor said, looking quite depressed.

"'Sokay. Sex, drugs, rock n' roll. It's our lives, is it not ? I don't hold it against her. Sounds like your mom lived a full life. I envy her slightly.", Skwisgaar said, with a slight nostalgic tone. Sometimes he could be morbid, but that was just part of his personality.

"Even if she did, sorry for your loss. Sucks to be you, huh ?", Skwigaar said, chuckling.

Even though he had felt slighty down for having his mother brought up in conversation, he found it interesting that his possible father had a sense of humor. At least he knew Skwisgaar wasn't _all_

tough and indifferent about the world. He had somewhat of a human side with his strange brew of humor.

Chapter 4—You _ARE_ the Father

After spending a night in DeathKlok's residence, Thor got to know the band really well. And strangely enough it was as though he had never left home. The guys wouldn't stop staring at Raven though, which had him a little bit on the defensive. Raven was a one-man woman and she was bonded to Thor 'til the very death, but men are men all the same.

"I gotta say, you are one lucky bastard to have a chick that hot...", Nathan said.

"I must admit, I'm flattered. But you guys are _DeathKlok_. The girls are probably knocking down your doors...", Raven said with a mixture of awe and irriation as she removed Toki's hand from her thigh, then Murderface's. Both of them looked like they were in bliss.

"Only during concerts, babe.", Muderface confessed, still with an uncharacteristic smile that was more like a wolf's grin.

After waiting some time for DeathKlok's main agent to assess the paternity test, he returned with shocking results.

"Seems like you indeed are this young man's father. Congrats.", the lawyer said, with a nervous, somewhat geeky laugh.

"That's it then.", Skwisgaar said, rather abruptly.

"I suppose it is. Can I expect anything from you ?", Thor said, slightly joking.

"Maybe a birthday gift, or some money if you need it. Nothing more than that. I'm not really good at this fathering crap.", Skwisgaar said, honestly.

"My birthday's January 24th. This year, I'll be turning 21, so I suppose that makes me nearly an adult.", Thor said, with a soft contemplative look.

"I'll remember that. Been nice knowin' ya both. Hope your trip back home's safe.", Skwisgaar said, hoping not to sound too kind or compassionate. He would've kicked the couple out, but the two of them were pretty awesome. On his scale of 1-10, they rated an 11.

Chapter 5—_DeathToll's_ Tour

Raven and Thor had returned home and the tour had begun. _DeathToll's_ newest album _Killing Time_ had done so well on the Billboard charts and only recently had Thor had the inspiration for his latest album. It would be a song for both mother and father simply entitled "Blood", but no one would get the true meaning but himself, and Skwisgaar.

As they travelled, they had a coinciding concert with _Deathklok. _It was a peculiar happenstance that they would happen to be playing in the same city that _DeathKlok_ had been playing in. Stranger yet, Raven's long lost sister, Nightengail (or as she was simply called "Gail") had been at the concert but had vanished as soon as it had come to an end. Hoping Raven would catch up to her younger sister, she nearly missed her as she was about to board a Greyhound bus and speed out of her life for more years than she could possibly keep track of.

Nightengail looked similar to Raven in the fact she had black hair, but she had put some blonde streaks in it. Gail's hair was shorter, and more spiky, and Gail looked more punky and more "alternative".

"Gail, is that you ?", Raven said, almost not recognizing her little sister.

"Raven ! Ohmigod...", Gail said, nearly becoming unglued. She had felt slightly guilty for not keeping up to date with her sister for all these years. Like Raven, Gail was talented, and she had been trying to make it big in Hollywood. She only had small roles in commercials, but one day, she hoped to get lucky and catch a producer's eye.

"I'm so sorry...I've just been so busy.", Gail said, appologising.

"Think nothing of it. Just email me, keep in touch, ok, girl ?", Raven said, watching her younger sister leave after giving her one last hug.

"I never thought I would be meeting her. She's really awesome, Raven. I can see why you wrote so many songs about her.", Thor said, sneaking in beside his girlfriend to embrace her momentarily. She smiled, and then realized they should be packing up their things as well. Without further ado, they returned to the music center where their concert was being held, packed up, and revved up the tour bus to set out on the final stop to their tour in a harbor before being shipped, quite literally, overseas.

Epilogue

Though _DeathToll_ had moved on from their tours to begin recording their latest soon to be hit song _Blood_. Thor was serendipitously celebrating his 21st birthday and the most unusual thing appeared at his door. A present, wrapped in black and red...his favorite colors. He opened it and found an official _Deathklok_ tshirt, CD and a voice recording on a L'il Reminder. He pressed play and heard his father's son.

"Just to let you know, Thor...I love you. Don't forget that."

The message was followed by some snickers from the background, but the message had been clear. He had a feeling his father cared about him, but an audio reminder would be able to get him through some of the tough times. It was a birthday to remember, that was certain.

Following presents, cake and some Merlot, Thor spent the rest of his night enjoying old B movies with Raven and the gang. It was good to be home, even if it had been a short break for the band before they went on tour again. That was the life of metal: Eat, sleep, rock, get fawned over by fans, become overstimulated, become weary, take a break and then do it all over again. Yet, _DeathToll_ didn't mind this life, though one day it would end. For the time, they were living comfortably and could retire when the time came. And Thor knew that wherever he went, he was the son of Skwisgaar and that his friends cared enough to stick with him through the cruddy moments that sometimes occurred.

The End


End file.
